Author Topic: Male VS FEMALE AT THE ATM MACHINE  (Read 9138 times)

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Male VS FEMALE AT THE ATM MACHINE
« on: March 01, 2008, 01:50:50 PM »
Oh my gosh! Those cameras at the bank have been watching me hehehe


Male VS FEMALE AT THE ATM MACHINE     

A new sign in the Bank Lobby reads:   

'Please note that this Bank is installing new Drive-through ATM machines enabling customers to withdraw cash without leaving their vehicles. Customers using this new facility are requested to use the procedures outlined below when accessing their accounts. After months of careful research, MALE & FEMALE Procedures have been developed. Please follow the Appropriate steps for your gender.'   

*******************************   
MALE PROCEDURE:   
1. Drive up to the cash machine.   
2. Put down your car window.   
3. Insert card into machine and enter PIN.   
4. Enter amount of cash required and withdraw.
5. Retrieve card, cash and receipt.   
6. Put window up.   
7. D rive off.   


*******************************   


FEMALE PROCEDURE:   
1. Drive up to cash machine.   
2. Reverse and back up the required amount to align car window with the machine.   
3. Set parking brake, put the window down.   
4. Find handbag, remove all contents on to passenger seat to loca te card.   
5. Tell person on cell phone you will call them back and hang up.   
6. Attempt to insert card into machine.   
7. Open car door to allow easier access to machine due to its excessive distance from the car.   
8. Insert card.   
9. Re-insert card the right way.   
10. Dig through handbag to find diary with your PIN written on the inside back page.   
11. Enter PIN.   
12. Press cancel and re-enter correct PIN.   
13. Enter amount of cash required.   
14. Check makeup in rear view mirror.   
15. Retrieve cash and receipt.   
16. Empty handbag again to locate wallet and place cash inside.   
17. Write debit amount in check register and place receipt in back of checkbook.   
18. Re-check makeup.   
19. Drive forward 2 feet.   
20. Reverse back to cash machine.   
21. Retrieve card.   
22. Re-empty hand bag, locate card holder, and place card into the slot provided!   
23. Give dirty look to irate male driver waiting behind you.   
24. Restart stalled engine and pull off.   
25. Redial person on cell phone.   
26. Drive for 2 to 3 miles.   
27. Release Parking Brake.   


SEND THIS TO A MAN WHO NEEDS A LAUGH AND TO THE LADIES YOU THINK CAN HANDLE IT!
 


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Re: Male VS FEMALE AT THE ATM MACHINE
« Reply #1 on: March 03, 2008, 08:09:04 AM »
Good one Wanda! I think you can handle it, but can the others?

Woman was out golfing one day when she hit the ball into the woods.

She went into the woods to look for it and found a frog in a trap.

The frog said to her, "If you release me from this trap, I will grant you three wishes."

The woman freed the frog, and the frog said, "Thank you, but I failed to mention that there was a condition to your wishes.

Whatever you wish for, your husband will get times ten!"

The woman said, "That's okay."

For her first wish, she wanted to be the most beautiful woman in the world.

The frog warned her, "You do realise that this wish will also make your husband the most handsome man in the world, an Adonis whom women will flock to".

The woman replied, "That's okay, because I will be the most beautiful woman and he will have eyes only for me."

So, KAZAM-she's the most beautiful woman in the world!

For her second wish, she wanted to be the richest woman in the world.

The frog said, "That will make your husband the richest man in the world. And he will be ten times richer than you."

The woman said, "That's okay, because what's mine is his and what's his is mine."

So, KAZAM-she's the richest woman in the world!

The frog then inquired about her third wish, and she answered, "I'd like a mild heart attack."

Moral of the story: Women are clever. Don't mess with them.

Attention female readers : This is the end of the joke for you. Stop here and continue feeling good.

Male readers: Please scroll down.

The man had a heart attack ten times milder than his wife .

Moral of the story : Women are really dumb but think they're really smart.

Let them continue to think that way and just enjoy the show

PS: If you are a woman and are still reading this; it only goes to show that women never listen!!!

Forward this to all the guys for a good laugh, and to all the ladies who have a good sense of humor.
:dogwalksm: Ed

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Re: Male VS FEMALE AT THE ATM MACHINE
« Reply #2 on: March 03, 2008, 09:36:09 AM »
REMEMBER THIS AT CHRISTMAS TIME:

According to the Alaska Department of Fish and Game, while both male and female reindeer grow antlers in the summer each year, male reindeer drop their antlers at the beginning of winter, usually late November to mid-December. Female reindeer retain their antlers till after they give birth in the spring. Therefore, according to EVERY historical rendition depicting Santa's reindeer, EVERY single one of them, from Rudolph to Blitzen, had to be a girl.

Should've known -- ONLY women would be able to drag a very fat man in a red velvet suit all around the world in one night and not get lost.
-Samantha
TNG: "Sometimes, you can make no mistakes, do everything right, and still lose" - Capt Picard to Data
(:turtle: In memory of Turtle: May 22, 1944 - Nov 24, 2007  GURU, mentor, and really nice guy! :turtleleft: )

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Re: Male VS FEMALE AT THE ATM MACHINE
« Reply #3 on: March 03, 2008, 10:51:29 PM »
Good ones! lol I always heard that about the reindeer... hehe... oh boy.. I get a lot of man vs woman jokes... I will have to pour through my old mails I bet I have more.. lol
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Re: Male VS FEMALE AT THE ATM MACHINE
« Reply #4 on: March 03, 2008, 11:08:52 PM »
I do too but most I choose not to post here...remember it is a FAMILY style forum.  ;)
-Samantha
TNG: "Sometimes, you can make no mistakes, do everything right, and still lose" - Capt Picard to Data
(:turtle: In memory of Turtle: May 22, 1944 - Nov 24, 2007  GURU, mentor, and really nice guy! :turtleleft: )

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Re: Male VS FEMALE AT THE ATM MACHINE
« Reply #5 on: March 04, 2008, 01:40:36 AM »
Oh absolutely.. I wouldn't post anything not suitable for all ages audiences.  :noshake:
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Re: Male VS FEMALE AT THE ATM MACHINE
« Reply #6 on: June 19, 2010, 07:00:09 AM »
here's my contribution to the thread! enjoy!
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

WORLD'S EASIEST QUIZ!
(Passing requires only 3 correct answers out of 10!)



1) How long did the Hundred Years' War last ?



2) Which country makes Panama hats ?

3) From which animal do we get cat gut ?

4) In which month do Russians celebrate the October Revolution ?

5) What is a camel's hair brush made of ?

6) The Canary Islands in the Pacific are named after what animal ?

7) What was King George VI's first name ?

8)What color is a purple finch ?

9) Where are Chinese gooseberries from ?

10) What is the color of the black box in a commercial airplane ?

Remember, you need only 3 correct answers to pass.
Check your answers below.

ANSWERS


1) How long did the Hundred Years War last ?
116 years

2) Which country makes Panama hats ?
Ecuador

3) From which animal do we get cat gut ?
Sheep and Horses

4) In which month do Russians celebrate the October Revolution ?
November

5) What is a camel's hair brush made of ?
Squirrel fur

6) The Canary Islands in the Pacific are named after what animal ?
Dogs

7) What was King George VI's first name ?
Albert

What color is a purple finch ?
Crimson

9) Where are Chinese gooseberries from ?
New Zealand

10) What is the color of the black box in a commercial airplane ?
Orange (of course!)


What do you mean, you failed?!!
Me, too...!!! (And if you try to tell me you passed, you lie!)

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Re: Male VS FEMALE AT THE ATM MACHINE
« Reply #7 on: June 19, 2010, 12:21:07 PM »
 :TUP:

 :welsign:
-Samantha
TNG: "Sometimes, you can make no mistakes, do everything right, and still lose" - Capt Picard to Data
(:turtle: In memory of Turtle: May 22, 1944 - Nov 24, 2007  GURU, mentor, and really nice guy! :turtleleft: )

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Re: Male VS FEMALE AT THE ATM MACHINE
« Reply #8 on: August 18, 2013, 04:42:18 PM »
good