Tara and I need some prayers

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 I was up all night with her either holding her or cleaning up after her. I couldn't put her down or she would make a mess.. to say it nicely.. but this morning at around seven she drank a lot of water and ate a couple of bites of food although she was still making messes about every fifteen minutes.
 
We had the carpets cleaned some months ago and she got super sick the next day too. So we bought a carpet cleanr and vowed if we ever got whole house cleaning again she would go to my daughters house. Apparrently there was something in those chemicals. She is allergic to other cleaning things too. Thursday we spotcleaned three rooms - the ones she is in the most - and I came home to a hellish scene yesterday. She hasn't reacted to spot cleaning before but it was more this time in her sleeping spots. I know it might just be a coincidence. She was also vibrating in waves like when she has a seizure.
 
 I am waiting for her to wake up to see how she is doing. She finally fell asleep at around 9 am as did I pass right out. If she is still as sick it looks like an emergency room vet trip. And I just pray to God that won't be the last things she sees!!!!!! That would be terrible for her!!!!! and me :-( especially because I feel so guilty for not thinking about the carpet cleaning chemicals.
 
So thanks so much for the prayers. We both need them. I was at my wits end this am and fell asleep one time standing up in the kitchen with her. I know she is old but she deserves to go peacefully not in a horrible mess.

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Oh My!  Wanda, How horrible!
I will have you and your dear doggie in my prayers.

Your pooch may have built up an intolerance for certain chemicals over the years. Normally benign ingredients can sometimes get to people/pets if we are exposed to them too much, too often or in the "right" combination. Cleaning carpets may have been coincidental to her problems. She has had medical issues before and she has just gotten older. Her body is older, more tired and has less tolerance to anything/everything. Even flea medications (topical sprays/wipes or drops) can cause seizures in some animals as they age. The cleaning chemicals may have been the last ingredient in a chain of other ingredients that broke down her system.  Or they may be unrelated. When I lost my bunny, I thought it was caused by a change of food, the vet told me her seizures were caused by an infection that caused pressure on the brain.

As we age, our tolerances change. And some just sneak up on you!  I used to use plain bleach for many cleaning projects. It is caustic but I used it a LOT with NO adverse effects. But those days are long gone.  The stuff now causes asthma attacks.  Go into a store that has just cleaned an area with bleach and suddenly I can not breath.....really can not breath....lungs clamp down.  My lungs react faster than my nose!

If she is still as sick it looks like an emergency room vet trip. And I just pray to God that won't be the last things she sees!!!!!!

Ya...I know what you mean.  I had Spaz put down at home by a vet that makes house calls.  I did not want added stress for either of us.

Most importantly, you have been a good guardian for her, she knows you are loyal and you care for her!  A pet could not ask for more.
 

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I am so happy to come tell you that Tara is OK!!! It almost seems like a miracle because she was so sick I honestly thought it was the end for her. Today she seems to be herself eating, drinking, walking around but just a little tired. Thank you so much for the well wishes and prayers. I just know they helped! Obviously she still has some more loving to get and give here.

I really think it was the carpet chemicals. She has always been sort of allergic and you are right now that she is older she just can't tolerate it. Well when I think about it how she walks and lays on the carpet all the time it makes sense. I just wish I had realized. I will never ever let her get on wet carpets again.

I am sorry to hear that about the bleach Sam! I use it all the time too but always with ventilation. I can't imagine something causing me not to be able to breathe. That must be scary. Yep - it seems like these things can just pop up one day out of no where and it is odd.

Thanks again so much! I am so glad to have happy news!!!!   

A side note about TAra - she has finally reached the totally blind state now and she can't hear or barely smell. I sometimes have to put her over her food bowl. It is so incredibly sad to watch her stumble about knowing how frustrated she must be. I just feel so much for her. She is in good health otherwise according to her check up about three months ago. I ask myself if she would be better off sometimes .. but.. then I see how much she lives for her next treat and to be held and petted. I prayed for God to be merciful to her when she was sick. Now that she made it through I can't think about if she would be better off now because I feel like she must still have a purpose because that illness was horrible and I still can hardly believe she made it through.

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HAPPY DANCE!
So happy for you and your beloved Tara.

I have an aging cat that is part siamese and is losing hearing and sight, but can't be petted enough, and is generally a sweet-natured little animal.  She was a stray that adopted me and I am thankful for her. Unfortunately she is getting louder and louder with her yowls. Even wakes me up at night, getting next to my ear and yowling at top of lungs to see if I am awake.   At this point, I would not consider putting her down for that.  She enjoys life, loves the screen room porch: the warmth of the sun, security that keeps dogs and other critters out, likes when I have a visitor over that can give her even more attention. 

I believe that animals try to tell us when it is time.  Spaz looked so tired, so miserable.  She still wanted to cuddle in my arms if I laid on the floor, but really was not enjoying anything about life anymore....no interest in her world and even food/water (her favorite joy) was not enticing.

Sounds to me like Tara is still up, not ready to go. That's wonderful.  Enjoy her while you can!

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AW my mom's cat used to yowl like that and she had to start shutting him in a room at night because she otherwise wasn't getting much sleep. She obviously picked a very sweet mommy! You are right Sam, as long as there is something joyful in their life and spirit I don't think they should be put to sleep. Tara is such a strong little dog in personality, character and physically - that I just wish I could make things better for her and keep praying for a miracle that she could see just a little bit again at least. She is teaching me the value of life. If she can cling to it so enthusiastically with all of her problems it reminds me constantly how precious it is.

 

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AGAIN - I am a quarter of the way around the world from her and I got a call today that my husband thinks she is getting weaker every day .. although she is eating and drinking and has body functions she just cant walk much or stand up ... he thinks she is dying. I am not sure. But obviously she is deteriorating. I just want her to hang in until I get back. I am supposed to be back soon enough but he wants me to get the next flight I can. "That wrecks havoc on me and I am very stressed.

I know she won't be around long - would be twenty in November if she makes it.. but all I am praying for is one more chance to hug her and tell her I love her.

I am sad ..

won't have much access for a while if you respond and don't hear back please know any prayers or good thoughts our way will be greatly appreciated.

Aloha & thanks friends....

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Wanda, your family and Tara are in my prayers.  Considered yourself hugged.

As much as you love Tara, I would not break the trip to rush home to her. 
You have had her for so many years, treated her well, she knows she is loved by you. 
You know how much she has given you over the years and have showed her your gratitude.

Long-term pets develop understanding of words, tones and have expectations of us and our habits. I have seen cats and dogs respond.  If your husband would tell her she has to hold on that you will be back for her, she may try to do that.  Spaz did for me last summer!  She knew that I was coming home and waited for me to say goodbye. A friend was watching her while I was gone and she didn't want to eat.  But each time she talked about me coming home, she would try to eat a bit and sit up looking at the door.  She was weak and tired but she knew me and was excited when I got home.

I am confident that if Tara can hold on, she will, just to see you again. Sometimes our pets are ready to go when we are not with them. If she can't hold on, if it is her time, she knows you love her. She knows you have given her a good life. If she can't make it for you, you need to accept that you have been saying goodbye for a year, treating her specially, hugging her, talking sweetly to her. Another 10 minutes, hour or day will not change the 20 years you have had with her. You have shown her love for all that time. What more can your friend ask of you?

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I grew up with a Siamese cat my parents had that lived for 21 years so I know how it feels. I hope Tara is able to hang in there until you are back. In any case, healing the stress is also important.

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Thank you both. I made a call to home Saterday morning and asked to talk to Tara - something I had not done because she is deaf. I told her I loved her. I told her I was coming home soon and hoped she was there. I said some things I used to say to her regularly like ... Stay and Guard. Then I struggled with not sleeping until around seven am my time with all this on my mind.  I had read something I posted about a month ago on another web site that said.. Don't let the things you can't do stop you from doing the things that you can. I realized I could do nothing at the moment so fnally I pictured God's hands and Tara in them surrounded by healing light.

I woke up in a few hours knowing I had to move out of where I was within the hour so I was really busy and tired. I didn't even look at my phone until I arrived at my son's. He walked out back to the beach with me and told me the bad news he had heard from home. Tara passed away at around 1:00 PM eastern time. That would have been just about when I put her in God's hands.

I felt so guilty for not being there. I was so very sad. Remembering what I had read and that I only had a few days left with my son I had to find a way to not let it ruin my time left with him. It was hard.

I arrived home yesterday to a house without Tara. All of her little beds, blankets, toys are still everywhere. I feel like I lost a child.

Thank you for your kind and helpful words. It is reassuring to hear that she knew I loved her if I was here or not. I sure wish I could have been but hearing she went peacefully in her sleep after eating a little bacon for breakfast gives me a little comfort. I wouldn't have wanted her to suffer just waiting for me.

I am still very sad. Thanks again. I really appreciate the support.

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(((((((((((((HUG)))))))))))))  

I am so sorry Wanda.    
But at least she is at peace.   

Pets. Some just take up space, not interacting much not making much impact.
Then there are special ones that become family members.
These pets become part of our lives, our routines, our consciousness.
And when we lose these special animals, it can be like a death of a person.
Tara was one of those.
I can tell you that there is no doubt that she gave you joy and companionship.
You did the same for her.
She had a happy, long, lifetime with people that loved her, took care of her, allowed her to participate in life.
You had 20+- years together.  Gracious. What a gift for both of you!
I had 16 with Spaz and had hoped for more. I still miss her. Been over a year but I still miss her.
No matter how long we have, it is not enough.

If you can, release your guilt for not being home. It would have changed nothing for Tara.
She wasn't in a boarding facility away from home. She wasn't being tended to by strangers.
She was at home.
She had a good long life.
She was part of a family that took care of her, and cared for her.
She had company she knew and trusted nearby.
It's the most ANY of us, human or pet can hope for!

May you find her at the rainbow bridge when it is your time. 
I certainly hope I get to see Spaz!

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Oh thank you so much Sammi, Another friend just sent me a picture she found of Tara and I together and the Rainbow Bridge poem.. it made me cry. And if that is true then I will not mind when my time is come to meet her. It would be wonderful to see her happy again. The day she passed and I was at the beach .. I saw more dogs than I had in months all running and happily playing with each other and their human friends. I thought - maybe I am seeing so many of them because she is letting me know this is how it is for her now. It was somewhat comforting that she went on St Francis Day - when all of the animals were being blessed. That evening I saw the first and truly a spectacular green flash that I had seen this trip when the sun went down over the ocean. I just thought.. there goes Tara out in a glorious Flash ... to let me know it was a beautiful and powerful thing. Or so I liked to think. It is amazing what we can come up with to feel better about a pet or a person passing. But I am still very sad. She is being held and we are going to have her cremated hopefully next week at a place where we can have a service and be there.. maybe then I will feel a bit more at peace with it. Right now with this still pending I don't yet have closure. ((((((((((((((((((((Sammy & Spaz)))))))))))))))))))) I hug you both because I know Spaz is still in your heart.

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I wrote this for Tara..

Remembering Tara Antipathes Jagrat


Our beloved Schipperkee was a character right from the start
She squirmed, wiggled, ran and jumped her way into our heart
She was the funniest little thing who was also very smart
As the years rolled by we imagined that we would never part

There was nothing that Tara loved more than riding in our boat
We taught her how to hydra slide, swim, jet ski and float
Her life jacket had a handle and we carried her like a tote
She played in waters near our home and oceans quite remote

There is one sound above the rest that reminds us the most of her
It is a demanding, sassy, give it to me now, foot stomping grrrr
When Tara wanted a treat, to go outside or just to be clever
She called out to us with “a look” that said we better not defer

If Tara did something wrong she yawned as if to say, “So what?”
 When aggravated she sneezed on us and ran off with a strut
She made us laugh with her silly ways; she really was a nut
And even when she challenged us we loved our crazy mutt

Tara loved everyone she met and was devoted to her family
The cute T-shirts she wore made her the hit at every party
She thought she was a big dog and defended us so boldly
She toured from Tennessee to Key West and Cat Cay to Hawaii

For almost nineteen years, Tara was our best and truest friend
Although she could not hear or see, she loved us until the end
When her time came to say goodbye she slept and caught her wind
We send her off with love because this world she must transcend

We celebrate Tara’s life, and our tears are tears of joy
For the blessings of knowing her, enhanced our own life story
We know that she is happy now and can see the light of glory
She hears the Captain call her aboard and greet her with AHOY

Our little boat captain is sailing on to a happier life above
If we seem to smile for no reason, she is whom we are thinking of
Tara Antipathes Jagrat, rest in peace with your guardian dove
We will never forget you our little pet who gave us so much love


Aloha Tara
Until We Meet Again
You are our little angel now
God Bless You and Us – Amen   

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I wish I were that talented and poetic.  After reading your poem, I can say that I KNOW Tara much better. And know why you will miss her so very much for quite some time.   

What a companion!  Lovely tribute!
 

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TY Sammy, I have always expressed my feelings best on paper and the constraints of a poem cause me to focus when otherwise I can't. I just had to get something out of me that I could see and share in rememberance of her. I miss her so much. This made me cry but also feel better when I was done. It was a symbol of the beginning process of closure. The picture was one of her last boat rides. She still had her sea legs even though she couldn't see or hear at this point. What a little trooper.

Ty again, I thought this board would be a good place to share. 

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I sent the link to that poem to my boss.  She read it and cried in her office!
You definitely touch people with your gift of expression.

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Awwwwwwwww! That makes me almost want to cry just thinking about it. If I can share Tara's love, devotion and special qualities with others even when she is gone that makes me feel really good inside. TY Sammy! You have just made my day. Sorry to make your boss cry! But I think anyone who has lost a pet might read their own pet stories in to the piece and in the end recall the feelings of love and loss then finally the letting go with appreciation for having the opportunity to have known the blessing a pet is in life. Your comments to me are a big encouragement to continue on with what I do. :-) Sometimes I think poetry is dead but I just keep writing it. lol